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Brene Brown wrote that there is a difference between “fitting in” and “belonging.” That was an eye-opening statement for me because I realized that for a majority of my life, I longed to fit in.
For a chunk of my formative childhood, I was the only Asian in my grade. I remember praying for blonde hair and blue eyes so that I could feel a sense of belonging.
But see? That’s not belonging, that’s fitting in.Fitting in requires us to change something about us (maybe something fundamentally “me”) to feel a sense of belonging. True belonging is being who you are and being accepted for it.
I also realized how many of our churches are pushing for people to fit in their communities rather than offering belonging.
The challenge of cultural assimilation in churches
I remember when “3rd Culture” was a thing many churches tried to incorporate. Basically, you adopt the culture of the church — the culture of Jesus — instead of your culture and the secular culture (hence third). Yet, what the majority never realized was that it was the minority group (whether by ethnicity; life stage; social-economic status; etc) that had to give up their culture to be part of the third culture.
If you were in a minority group, you were still asked to give up the fundamental parts of you in order to fit in with the dominating culture (which, let’s be real, wasn’t the culture of Jesus).
Many of our LGBTQ+ siblings probably have experienced a church asking you to fit in and then belong. Many of our LGBTQ+ siblings were told they were accepted but under conditions. In some churches, they were not accepted, but their money and donations were.
When an opportunity arose to plant a church, the concept of fitting in and belonging weighed heavily on my mind. I wanted to start a community that really valued the uniqueness of God’s people. I wanted to be part of a community that offered a safe space to explore what it means to be a Christian; to ask questions; to sit in the mystery of un-answerable questions; to doubt without being told that only weak Christians doubt; to honor, value, celebrate our differences yet committed to the same goal: creating space for people to be; to be loved and to love.
Obviously, this is easier said than done. There were a lot of hard conversations and difficult decisions that needed to be made because the belonging part for us does come with an asterisk.
If push comes to shove about who belongs, we’ll always choose the side of the more oppressed; more vulnerable; community-less people that we serve.
Planting a church with belonging in mind
We exist in a city that has more churches than Starbucks. We exist in a city where the only church the then-POTUS stopped at in 2017 was in our city.
What I’m trying to say is, there is literally over a hundred churches for those who are seeking..
But, there are only 2 churches (including ours) where people — especially our LGBTQ+ siblings — can call home, be accepted, be loved, and called to be love.
One of the hardest phrases I had to learn as a church planter is: “I’m sorry, I don’t think our work is for you. But I can help you find a community where you can flourish and be a true blessing to.” But for the sake of creating meaningful spaces for belonging for people who have no place to belong, it is a vital phrase.
We are a small church. And that’s okay. We have more people who are actively engaged in the community of Mosaic than we have actual Mosaic church members. While it may not be okay for the institution, it’s more than okay for our community. We are committed to creating spaces for people to be, belong, beloved and be love.
When I need a reminder of the work that we are committed to and engaged in, I find it useful to remember the words of Rachel Held Evans:
This is what God’s kingdom is like: a bunch of outcasts and oddballs gathered at a table, not because they are rich or worthy or good, but because they are hungry, because they said yes. And there's always room for more.
Joseph Yoo is the author When the Saints Go Flying in. He is a West Coaster at heart contently living in Houston, Texas with his wife and son. He serves at Mosaic Church in Houston. Find more of his writing at josephyoo.com.
