We’re unleashing the power of “Rage Prayers” with Reverend Elizabeth Riley. Dive into the transformative practice of honest, heartfelt prayers that express our deepest emotions and frustrations. Explore how embracing our anger and lament can lead to spiritual healing and personal transformation.
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Episode Notes:
Rev. Elizabeth is an Episcopal priest currently serving in the Diocese of Olympia, which covers the Western portion of Washington state. You can find her on TikTok at @TheRevRiley. And her book, Rage Prayers, comes out on October 8, 2024.
In this episode:
(00:00) Rage prayer: Expressing authentic emotions in prayer.
(03:36) Religious upbringing emphasized sin, shame, emotional manipulation.
(08:21) Rage prayers provided deep, transformative personal sustenance.
(10:05) Grieving and lamenting are integral to faith.
(14:01) Rage prayer deepens spirituality and authenticity profoundly.
(17:57) TikTok offers healing space for disillusioned faithful.
(19:37) Unconventional faith practices resonate beyond traditional Christianity.
(23:08) Explore personal, authentic prayer without restrictions.
(27:43) Passionate about digital evangelism for spiritual communities.
(30:03) More info and closing
Related episodes
- Crafting a clarity of belief with Bruce Reyes-Chow
- Community, comedy and church renovation
- Faith vacations and lost-ness with Debie Thomas
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This episode posted on October 2, 2024
Episode Transcript:
Ryan Dunn [00:00:03]:
Welcome back to Compass, Finding Spirituality in the Everyday. My name is Ryan Dunn. And in this episode of Compass, we're joined by Reverend Elizabeth Riley. She discusses with us the concept of rage prayer, which is fully expressing ourselves with God in authentic, honest ways. Even if that begins to move into explicit anger and frustration. Reverend Riley shares her journey in moving through gatekeeping around prayer and feeling a need for permission to express anger towards God. She talks about starting a public practice of rage prayer on TikTok, and she highlights the importance and transformational power of being completely authentic in prayer. So this is about more than just anger.
Ryan Dunn [00:00:46]:
Rage prayers can be a means of processing grief, heartbreak, and acceptance of difficult life circumstances. There's a whole lot of interesting, useful ideas in this episode. Reverend Elizabeth is an Episcopal priest currently serving in the diocese of Olympia, which covers the western portion of Washington state. You can find her on TikTok at the rev Riley and her book, rage prayers, comes out on October 8, 2024. Let's talk prayer, authenticity, and TikTok on the Compass podcast. Reverend Elizabeth, let's start with this. How goes it with your soul today?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:01:27]:
My soul is good. Kids are off at school. A lot to be joyful about there.
Ryan Dunn [00:01:35]:
Excellent. Well, good. I'm glad to hear that we're starting this from a happy in I'm curious, like, how do you define a rage prayer?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:01:47]:
That's a great question. Rage prayer is something that has really evolved. And I think at sort of the original outset, I've used rage prayer as a way to explicitly express anger within prayer, because we've needed a lot more explicit permission to do that. So when we can't find the silver lining, when we're not ready to find the good news yet, I've spent a lot of my life learning how to preach the good news, but there is a space before the good news often. You know, it's the good Friday of our prayer life where we can't run to the resurrection yet. And so in terms of rage prayer, it started out as this place of really explicit anger or frustration or sadness. It's evolved for me, into something that's about authentic prayer, And I think you can have a joyful rage prayer even, but it's become a tagline for praying what's true and what's honest. And so that's evolved into some really beautiful things and expressions of kind of our full range of emotions that we aren't always given permission to have, in traditional prayer life.
Ryan Dunn [00:03:14]:
You mentioned we are feeling a sense of needing permission to commit to some of these prayers. In your spiritual journey, has there been a, a sense of gatekeeping around prayer? Like prayer is only using these words or only expressing these kinds of feelings.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:03:36]:
I started my Christian journey within a Catholic church right around when I was in, 1st grade. And so if you've been a part of a Catholic community, you'll probably recognize that that's right around when first communion is happening. Right? And I ended I was baptized into the Catholic church and then went through my first communion. To receive your first communion you first do your first confession, and so this sticks with me as this very integral part of my faith life that had to do or of how I was kind of formed in my Christianity where it felt like we are supposed to have shame and humility around anything that's potentially bad or sinful. And then there are things that we could feel good about, and there was a lot of black and white thinking within that. That. And in addition to kind of having my prayer in sacramental life wrapped up around this sort of confessional piece that also felt just really odd at 7 years old to figure out, like, what do I need to go confess? Like, what have I done wrong and yours were soul searching around, like, well, who was I not honest to my parents? Not nice to my sibling? So there was sort of I mean, honestly, what felt like emotional manipulation, within that just a little bit, even though I had some incredible leaders within that church and people forming me my faith. Christianity has throughout its history really wanted us to be, docile and humble towards God, and I think especially as a woman I've experienced this to an extensive degree where we're meant to be kind and polite and put a good spin on whatever it is and the cliches of Christianity, when God closes a door, God opens a window, or god needs another angel or just the terrible things that Christians say or god must have had a reason.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:05:44]:
You just those spins that even if I wasn't explicitly taught them, I took them in from culture, from media, from things that my parents had been taught even as they had their own versions of deconstruction of trying to not be a part of that type of Christianity or that type of faith practice. And what through that, even though that was not what was explicitly said to me, I learned it and internalized it. And through my ministry and my work, I think many people have internalized a similar message, whether they're within the church or outside of the church. A message that, Christians are supposed to be pleasant, and we're not supposed to talk about uncomfortable things and, certainly certainly we wouldn't be angry at God. We can be angry at ourselves, but God must have had a reason. So we're rarely given tools that actually help make sense of what does it look like to be angry at god.
Ryan Dunn [00:06:55]:
So you started a public practice of rage praying on TikTok. Accidentally. Okay. Yeah. Tell me about that. Like, what what led to that, like, public outpouring where it's,
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:07:06]:
like Oh my goodness.
Ryan Dunn [00:07:07]:
Enough is enough. I need to do this.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:07:09]:
It was sort of accidental and a little difficult to explain if you don't know the ins and outs of social media and trends, but there was a song that was trending on TikTok, and it was this very upbeat, you know, it felt like girly pop 2010 music a little bit, but the lyrics were talking about, do you ever get a little bit tired of life? And it was this weird, contrast between lyrics that sort of talked about the difficulties of life and this sort of poppy music, you know, that you felt like you'd be, like, getting ready with. Mhmm. And I ended up making a video basically saying, hey, you don't have to put a positive spin on things. Like, let's actually just be angry in our prayer. It was a it was a joke. It was not intended to be this new prayer practice. And I posted it, and it's like, oh, that felt like something. Like, this the idea of I I think I used the phrase in that in that video, let's rage pray.
Ryan Dunn [00:08:21]:
Mhmm. And I
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:08:21]:
was, like, I wonder if that could be something. A week later, I, my divorce started. And rage prayer ended up being the practice that really bloomed in the midst of my personal life just completely changing while also finding something that sustained my own faith and felt like I had something to offer the world. And so or, you know, the 10 people who cared on TikTok, whatever that version of the world is, and became an outlet to to process some of that and talk about some of that. And I will say my rage prayers have never been my most viral videos on TikTok. I had a ministry on TikTok before this, and they're still not the videos where you know, these are not the things that are making, me known. But the the depth of connection for those who do find it powerful and who have watched it and who do keep coming back because of rage prayers, there's a depth of, a connection with the practice yearning for more of that that and that's the real transformation. It's not, oh, here's a funny 10 second video I'm gonna share, and it's gonna go viral, but something that feels like it has substance and life to it.
Ryan Dunn [00:09:49]:
So as you started to cultivate this as a practice for yourself, did you start to look for kind of a precedence in that? Like, were you coming through the hymnal looking for expressions of rage prayer or or through scripture?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:10:05]:
Well, I didn't have to come far. Thank goodness. It really I think part of why it was so easy for me to go to this practice is because as soon as I sort of had a name for it, I also saw it throughout our history, throughout our scriptures. This is not new. Showing anger towards God or lamenting at the world is a deep intrinsic part of the Abrahamic faiths, and Christianity. So I've actually, often used this, within my funeral sermons homilies that no matter how long or how well a life is lived, we are given permission to grieve. And as we celebrate a life, we it's okay for us to grieve what's not there and that even Jesus before, he raised Lazarus for the from the dead, he wept. As Jesus, was on the cross, he cried out, my god, my god, why have you forsaken me? It's throughout our scriptures.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:11:16]:
In the Old Testament and in the New Testament, our Psalms are full of lament Psalms. Let me pull up this one. Psalm 130. Out of the depths I cry to you, oh, Lord, Lord, hear my voice. There is deep yearning in our scripture. The entire book of Job is a great example. Right? Scripture is our scriptures are the stories of humanity's encounters of God in our all of our human experiences, the great highs and the lowest lows and how we relate to God through that. And we see incredible grief and lament and anger throughout scriptures.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:12:07]:
I mean, the grief of Mary at the death of Jesus, the grief of Moses not reaching the promised land. These are not all happy endings.
Ryan Dunn [00:12:18]:
Mhmm.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:12:19]:
But that doesn't mean that there's not good news. But I think we've completed it a little bit too much that Christians need to have these Disney happy ending outlooks, which is really not that biblical. Our scripture is a lot more honest. I love the story, the road to Emmaus. So on the ray road to Emmaus, we have the resurrection of Jesus has happened. Right? And yet the world is still what it is. And these individuals are walking and really greet like, nothing has changed. What is different in the world? And it expresses this really true thing that even in the whole hope and light of the resurrection, everything is not fixed.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:13:09]:
And I think that is something to pay attention to in our own practice.
Ryan Dunn [00:13:13]:
Mhmm. All of us experience rage. We all experience frustration sometimes on the daily. Few of us feel assured enough, I guess, to kind of tarry in that space where, you know, we're like sitting with rage and here you've set out to provide a tome of of rage prayers. Probably, you know, a 100 or so plus. What did the process of, like, setting all these down and, editing them over and over again, what did that do to you? Or what has it done for you in terms of, like, your spiritual journey or feeling a sense of connection with the divine?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:13:58]:
It's been a huge gift.
Ryan Dunn [00:14:00]:
Mhmm.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:14:01]:
I mean, for myself to engage that practice, but the number of people who have walked alongside me in this process, who've given feedback, who've been part of talking through, what is it like to rage? What are the things we wanna rage with? And I think the way in which I've gotten to see other people's spirituality sort of shift through that process has been a real gift. I've really mapped or I loosely mapped, rage prayers onto the prayers of the people. We already have a a map in our in our liturgy for praying in the Episcopal church. And so there's a section on, praying with faith, praying for justice, raging through more the human condition, and finding that and I think this is part of what's helped me expand rage prayer in my own mind to be beyond just the explicit anger at life or God, but to see rage prayer as being about authenticity and actually it can be giving thanks for something ending that needed to end. I do end the book with a section called petty rage, which is daylight savings and taxes and, you know, traffic. So the
Ryan Dunn [00:15:28]:
The the subscription was speaking to me. They're raging over forgotten subscriptions. Yeah.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:15:34]:
Exactly. Right? The reply all. God, I know why you sent the floods. Like, we get the reply all. Part of the process has been teaching me and what I try to emphasize in the book is we are never meant to stay in rage. Okay? My hope is not that we will go and live in anger, but that in freely expressing it, we can move through it. And so as odd as it is to say, I think my experience has led me to actually having a lot more peace and a lot more joy because we're not repressing and bottling those things up, but giving them voice and truth and honoring those experiences. And that's what leads to transformation in our world, there's plenty to be angry about there's plenty of injustice and We can't ignore it.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:16:33]:
We can't push it down. We can't just hope someone else will fix it. But giving our authentic response of anger can also allow us to say we cannot leave the world as it is and fuel us into changing it. So as we rage for justice, what are we not going to tolerate in terms of marginalization and dehumanization in our world and how can our anger lead us to changing the world. And when you look at the social justice movements that have happened throughout history, and I think movements that are happening now when we see how young people are being mobilized in voting, When you see people fighting injustices of genocide throughout the world, it is expressions of authentic anger, that push us to want the world to change for the better. So my prayer too for others is that this can be transformational. Not that we stay in rage, but that it leads to deeper joy too.
Ryan Dunn [00:17:41]:
What kind of response do you get through the feedback system of of TikTok in expressing these rage prayers? Are people relieved that they have kind of a a a comrade in in feeling some of this frustration? Or
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:17:57]:
I mean, Tik Tok is such a beautiful place of feedback. And if you're not on Tik Tok, I'm you're probably like, what is she saying? Because if you're not on Tik Tok, Tik Tok sounds like a really scary world with, you know, people just trolling you in the comments or, you know, either that or you have to dance to some ridiculous song. I have found on TikTok the most incredible community of people often who are disillusioned with the institution of the church, but who over and over and over speak to the healing that rage prayer has given them, the healing that progressive clergy on TikTok have given them. So I am part of a much bigger umbrella of clergy throughout Christian and non Christian faiths. Our Jewish siblings are on there, and we have Muslim siblings on there, and folks who are making content and talking about being a progressive person of faith, in the modern day and age. And what that's gotten to build with the community of folks who have left church because it is dominated by voices that don't match any of their ideologies, and to give them a space where they can encounter that I get so much feedback of healing and hope. People who have said, you know, I don't know if I will ever go back to church, but thank you for giving me a glimpse of god or this healed something that was broken in me or or whatever it is, and I see this on other progressive clergy TikToks as well. So I have just found an incredible response, which is in contrast sometimes to the response of the institution.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:19:37]:
So, my rage prayers are not every Christian's cup of tea, and I saw that very quickly as I started seeing reviews from maybe more conservative Christians or folks who were expecting one thing and found me to be very different, and I'm okay with that. I know that how I practice my faith I mean, look, the negativity I get on face on TikTok is usually about, me being a woman and, you know, speaking for the devil. So I'm used to not being everyone's cup of tea, and sometimes I'm like, okay. So as long as I'm upsetting the right people, we're okay. So I will from the institution of the church and from the Episcopal Church there are certainly folks who want us to appear a certain way, who want a sort of properness from clergy. I cuss quite a bit in this book, there that's part of rage prayers, so I know this isn't for everyone and, I'm okay with that, but for the people who need it from the swarms of people who have left the church and who have never dared step foot in our spaces, they're the ones giving me the best response. And so it gives me a lot of hope for what the future of not the church necessarily, but humanity's relationship with the divine, which should and hopefully is bigger than any institution of faith, that that can have a future and a hope and a possibility.
Ryan Dunn [00:21:16]:
Is there one particular rage prayer that, you've written down that you go back to again and again?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:21:28]:
There is a line in, my divorce rage prayer, actually, that and I wanna get it right. So divorce was a big part of how rage prayer started for me. And so, obviously, writing a rage prayer about divorce was important. And so I start the rage prayer for divorce saying, I did not pray for this until I did. I prayed every other prayer until I prayed this one and it goes on. But I think we can apply that to so many things in our lives Mhmm. Where coming to the reality of what we are left with or where we are at and the acceptance of that or the praying for the outcome we would have least wanted a year ago. That's something I go back to a lot in many aspects of my life and, the grief and the heartbreak of, you know, reaching a point where you do pray that something ends so that new life can be given to something else and that both people can go off and have, you know, the wholeness they deserve.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:22:41]:
I've seen that replay in other aspects of my life, in relationships and jobs. So that's really stuck with me and the permission, to pray for things even when they might seem like not what we wanted originally.
Ryan Dunn [00:22:55]:
Well, thank you for sharing that with us. What do you hope as you've put this book together, a collection of rage prayers? Like what do you hope that the casual reader takes away from it?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:23:08]:
That they can reject every single one of my prayers and that's fine, but that they have permission to pray differently than they ever have before. And to try on something that maybe felt taboo or, like, the wrong way to pray. There's no wrong way to pray. It's all conversations with God, and we get to show up fully to God. So I hope that the casual reader takes away some permission to try showing up with god fully as themselves, that god can take that, that that, if that is too risky, then we aren't in relationship with God if we can't be our full selves. So that's what I hope someone takes away even if how I rage pray is completely distasteful to them, that they explore what that could mean for themselves because I do think it brings us closer to the divine or the holy or whatever that language is that we have for it, and can allow a tool that has felt very much in a box before, that I think can be much more expansive and for many more people than just, people who call themselves Christians.
Ryan Dunn [00:24:24]:
I wanna talk a little bit more about, your TikTok experience because a local pastor oftentimes is, seen stereotypically as, like, the embodiment of their their local congregation. And so when a pastor then steps into a social media space where it's, a call to be or a challenge to be very authentic, and personal Mhmm. Then there can create a little bit of dissonance between like that representative of the institution and the person who is the pastor who is online. Has your your TikTok presence had any kind of, effect on your your local congregation ministry?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:25:12]:
Yes. Certainly. It has opened up a lot of conversations and, you know, not everyone gets it. I stumbled into TikTok accidentally through the pandemic. And so this was a piece of, my experience was being at home, ending up going viral on TikTok, and having that be an outlet. I, more recently have started at a new congregation, and I would say that having been more established in this practice now, it's much easier to teach a congregation about what that is and what to expect and, that I've really embraced this as part of my ministry and part of my passion. I will say for all of folks, potential hesitation, we've also seen people walk in the door who've said, hey. I saw your priest on TikTok, and so I came.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:26:12]:
I'm always I say always. I care about having space to show up on social media as myself and not as the rector or representative of the congregation. So my TikTok is not at congregation's name. It's at the rev riley. Mhmm. And I don't speak for my congregation. I didn't do many videos of my congregation because I wanted that freedom, and I needed that freedom. And I advocate for that, and I think there are spaces for churches to show up as their church brand.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:26:48]:
So I also helped do, TikTok for the Episcopal Church, and I get to show up under that brand. There's some videos that just won't work that way, so there needs to be space for both. Clergy have, you know, been wrestling with this for a while. I mean, for 10 years plus, we have been on Facebook and whatnot, and you'll often see clergy with a little tagline that says all posts and opinions are my own and not a representation of my congregation. So I think having that expanded to, the various ways we show up online, certainly, I can't completely disassociate from any title I wear in the world, but giving us some flexibility to show up in a few different ways, is something we can learn, and I think I'm working with my congregation to learn how to do that.
Ryan Dunn [00:27:40]:
What's next for you?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:27:43]:
Being very excited about this book coming out and just having it, enter the world. I am doing more social media consulting and really trying to help other folks, find their joy in their digital evangelism. I am passionate about the fact that I think most of our spiritual institutions have some good news, or ragey news to share online and that we have these unique charisms of our congregations that are worth sharing. You know, I would get people on TikTok saying, oh, I wanna come to your church. Like, what's the link online, which is flattering. And I said, you know, I'm I'm not the magic unicorn I you think I am. There's actually lots of Episcopal clergy, frankly, that look even like me. So I'm passionate about connecting folks to their local congregations and also helping our local congregations share their message more widely so that folks can realize there are these branches of Christianity that are not like the dominant loud voices in our media.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:28:58]:
And so that's a lot of what's next is helping other people share their stories, set up TikToks. I was at general convention this summer, taking videos of bishops, getting them to do blessings, and, helping share just some authentic, easy good news. And it was amazing to see the response to that. So hopefully, a lot more of that sort of work.
Ryan Dunn [00:29:21]:
Well, it's at the rev riley on TikTok. Any other convenient spot for people to and and on Instagram? Okay. Cool. Any other convenient spots to come and check out your work?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:29:33]:
My websites, the revreilly.com and rage prayers will be wherever you buy books. I really hope you all will find your local bookstore and go support them. They're amazing. They can pre order anything you need. So I'm excited to see that hit the shelves.
Ryan Dunn [00:29:49]:
Awesome. That's October 9th. Right?
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:29:51]:
October 8th.
Ryan Dunn [00:29:52]:
8th. Okay. Thank you.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:29:54]:
Thank you. Getting it
Ryan Dunn [00:29:55]:
out there.
Reverend Elizabeth Riley [00:29:57]:
Thank you so much. This has been really wonderful to talk to you about rage prayers and what I'm doing.
Ryan Dunn [00:30:03]:
Hey. Thanks again for joining us on Compass. A couple other episodes to explore include episode 137, crafting a clarity of belief with Bruce Reyes Chow, and episode 141, community comedy and church renovation. It dives deep into the idea of rethinking how we go about church. Compass is a production of United Methodist Communications. More episodes and show notes are available at umc.org/compass. New episodes come out every other Wednesday. So we'll talk again in 2 weeks time.
Ryan Dunn [00:30:37]:
Peace.
