Empathy is what your therapist keeps telling you to have and what your dog displays every time you stub your toe on the couch. How is it that pets have more empathy than most people? If dogs can do it, why can’t we?
What is empathy? Well, it’s not sympathy. Sympathy is, “Oh, you fell in a hole? That stinks. Hope you have a ladder.” Empathy is more like, “Oh no, you fell in a hole? Let me jump in with you; even though this is the worst decision I’ve made all day, we’re both miserable now.” It’s the ability to feel what someone else is feeling, which sounds lovely in theory but, in practice, is like trying to enjoy someone else’s hangover.
But empathy is essential! We’re social creatures, right? Empathy is what keeps us from becoming total monsters, like the sociopaths who don’t return their shopping carts.
Here’s the thing about empathy: it’s hard. It’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube, but instead of colored squares, it’s other people’s feelings, and you’re colorblind. You want to get it right, but you’re usually just spinning the cube around, pretending you know what you’re doing.
Take, for instance, listening to someone vent about their problems. You’re sitting there, nodding along, going, “Yeah, totally, that sounds awful,” while your brain is desperately trying to figure out if you’re supposed to offer encouragement or keep nodding like one of those bobblehead dolls. Half the time, you say, “That’s tough. Have you tried journaling, yoga or meditation?” Do not allow these words to leave your mouth. This has become the modern advice equivalent of “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
We live in a world with an empathy deficit. We used to have plenty of it, but somewhere along the way, we collectively decided, “Eh, we’re good. Let’s use what we have left on our pets.” Fair enough. Hurley, my black lab, got it. She was always there, looking at me like, “Yeah, I get it. Life’s rough. Want to rub my belly?” Meanwhile, we’re out there leaving hateful comments online and fighting with our relatives.
Here’s the bright side: Empathy isn’t just about feeling bad when someone else feels wrong. It’s also about feeling good when someone else feels good. It’s why we cheer at weddings, cry at movies, and throw surprise parties even though everyone secretly hates them. Empathy connects us – it keeps us human.
Empathy is worth the effort. It reminds us that others matter, even when they’re the worst. It makes us hold the door open for someone else or leave a nice note on someone’s car instead of just keying it like we want to.
Empathy is like a muscle. It’s weak when we don’t use it, but it can become our greatest strength with a little effort. So, let’s all be calm and try to understand each other a little better. Because if Hurley, who thought eating Kleenex was a valid life choice, could show empathy, then so can we.
Empathy can be challenging. It can make you cry over a dog in a movie or smile like a fool because someone else is happy. But it also makes you call your friend at 2 a.m. because you feel they need to talk. It’s what makes you bring soup to someone who is sick or stand up for someone who can’t stand up for themselves. Empathy is why we’re not just a bunch of robots wandering around, but actual people who care about each other.
This story is reprinted with permission from Elevate the Discourse with Richard Bryant. Bryant is a United Methodist minister who lives in North Carolina.
This story was published on UMC.org on March 6, 2025. The contact is Laura Buchanan.
