Popular songs might tell us that Christmas is the “most wonderful time of the year,” but some people don’t feel that way. The loss of a loved one, painful memories or unfulfilled longings are valid reasons to mourn rather than celebrate. It’s understandable, and acceptable, when we feel blue rather than jolly at Christmas.
“During the holidays, almost more than any other time of the year, there are so many expectations of being joyful. We are supposed to attend gatherings with a smile on our faces and sing ‘Joy to the World’ with gusto. But for those that are grieving, putting on this mask of cheerfulness can be so exhausting,” says The Rev. Nikki Ross Bishop, Associate Pastor at Ames First UMC in Iowa.
Grieve and remember at Blue Christmas services
United Methodist churches often host Blue Christmas services to make space for grief, loneliness and pain in order to nurture healing. Joining with others to remember and mourn can bring authentic support that is essential in moving forward on a journey to recapture the love, joy, hope and peace of Advent and Christmas.
“This service creates a safe space, a place where it is okay to not be okay. Here we can shed tears with others who are grieving and set aside those masks for a while,” shares Bishop. “There is comfort and healing from being with those who understand your pain.”
The Rev. Loida Divine, Senior Pastor at Lake Deaton UMC in Florida, adds, “We hear time and time again how much folks felt the peace of Jesus during the service.”
Acknowledge sadness, find hope
“People may feel sad and/or lonely. We acknowledge those feelings are real. Sometimes the fact that the person is not alone in their feelings is enough to bring healing and hope,” says Divine. “Other times, the hope comes from the reminders that Jesus is their healer and he will never leave them. He will take this ‘bad thing’ and will make something good of it. Maybe not now, but at some point.”
Blue Christmas attendees can expect their physical surroundings to match the somber tone of the worship service, with calm music and soft lighting helping to deepen moments of personal reflection.
Attend a service
Search for nearby churches who might offer a Blue Christmas/Longest Night service on Find-A-Church.
As part of their service, Ames First UMC invites attendees to light a candle and share a name, a grief or a hardship. Explains Bishop, “They can share as much or little as they would like. There is healing in being able to share our stories. We also recognize in this service that grief is more than the loss of a loved one. It could be a loss of a job or security, it could be a life change, it could be a miscarriage or being reminded again that you can't have children, it could be a struggle with addiction, or so many other things.”
Also known as Longest Night services
Many Blue Christmas services take place on the shortest day/longest night of the year, the winter solstice, which usually occurs on December 21 in the northern hemisphere. It’s a recognition that we’ve weathered the darkest time together, and more light will be present in the days to come. Sometimes these gatherings are even called Longest Night worship services.
Lake Deaton UMC holds their service on December 21, and for Divine, the timing has a personal connection. She shares, “My mother's birthday is on December 20. So every year I am reminded of her passing. When I attend the Blue Christmas, I remember that I am not alone in my grief and that she is with Jesus. I also feel validated in my feelings that I can be sad during such a joyous time of year.”
Laura Buchanan works for UMC.org at United Methodist Communications. Contact her by email.
This story was published on December 6, 2023.
